I’m a strong ass woman, if you know me this isn’t a surprise, if you don’t know me then you find out fast. I have a low tolerance for bullshit, I speak the truth, I am confident in how I look (I’m not the best out there but I’m not the worst and there have always been men that dig it), I am happy with my own personality, own my faults (and often try to work on them), and I don’t need someone to validate me. That said, I love my people. I am viciously protective and will defend them with a sharp tongue and a stiff right hook. I will do just about anything to ease their suffering an make them smile. I am the wrong woman to cross but I have a huge ass heart and the love I hold for people close to me is a bottomless well. If I love you I will have your back even if you are wrong, maybe especially if you are wrong.
I know I am not an easy person to love in return or at least I view it that way. It takes me a long time to really open up to people and allow them into the depths of my life. What you see, what I show you is just the surface of who I am. It can take years to see all the places in which I truly hide myself from the world.
What I am not is weak, or if I feel weak I will never show it to you. I was raised in a strong family that often targeted weakness, we made you strong because we would allow no other alternative. If you are family you better gut up because this ocean is stormy.
That, I think, is why this new experience of dating is hard for me. I am attracted to the strong alpha male personality. I don’t want to be with anyone I feel like I could take in a street fight. No I wouldn’t actually fight them, but I am mentally and physically strong so being with anyone I could over power (or would LET me over power them) is just just unappealing. I always knew how lucky I was when Matt decided he loved me above all others but I know just how seriously one in a million lucky I really was. He was strong but he was also gentle and that is an amazing combination. He was upright and stood up for others. He was a whole person, so like us all he had his faults but they were not as glaring to me. He was a strong ass man who was at ease being married to a strong ass woman. Someone who would go with the flow but would be able to back me down without being unkind. I need that sometimes, if you are not strong enough I will bulldoze right over you without a second thought.
Taking a good look around at the men out there and the ones that have approached me for dates I have some advise. Strong ass women can be seriously attractive, I get it but you have to be prepared and you have to be confident in yourself or else we will walk away in a heart beat.
1. Your opinion matters.
It really does, even if you think that we like to be in charge all the time you opinion really does matter. If you don’t want to do something say it, if you want something say it. Being with a strong ass woman is all about communication. Tell us what you want and chances are you’ll get it. We don’t always want to be in charge. We aren’t your mother, we don’t want to make all the decisions and if we are making all the decisions chances are we are already thinking it’s better being single.
2. Passive Aggression will get you punched.
Strong ass people don’t deal well with people who can not be aggressive. If you are pissed be pissed and say it. Don’t pretend like nothing is wrong. This will have us walking away in a heartbeat. Nothing is more unattractive for a strong person than someone who can’t just express basic human emotions. Anger can be productive, it can spark real conversation, if you hold it in and be petty you are missing a huge opportunity. Strong ass people will give you the space to express yourself because we are confident in ourselves to let you do so. We might not always LIKE what you have to say but we will appreciate that you have the balls to say it.
3. Make a stand.
If you are passionate about something plant your flag in it and let it fly free. Don’t back down because it’s weird or unpopular. Even if I think it’s weird I will respect the shit out of you for being passionate about something. I will even brag to other people about your weird passion because man, “this person is amazing at something and they don’t care if you are going to be a jerk about it.” Point in case, I knit and I cross stitch, I don’t care what people think about that. I make cool ass crap and I will knit my ass off in public even if you laugh at me. Laugh away mother fucker, what are you passionate about?
4. Strong ass people fall apart too.
We do, and it’s usually spectacular. It’s like a comet smashing into an erupting volcano. There will be yelling, the crying will be messy but we will surface much faster than other people. Weather the storm, tie yourself to the mast and stare right into that gale and when it has passed you will be inner circle for life. Strong ass people recognize there are very few people we can be weak in front of and we will pull you closer than ever before.
That’s just a small sample but it will get you in the door. If you like a strong ass person don’t be a door mat, don’t be a wimp about your own feelings, stand up to us and we will respect you for it.