Back From The Abyss

It’s been a long time.  A really long time since I’ve even looked at this space.  This is a natural order of things I think when your life has gone through the spin cycle.  One moment you are coasting along then you are whirling violently with the sound of a jet engine in the background unsure of when – or if – things will ever stabilize again.  They do because they have to, life has to stabilize from time to time in order to give us as people a chance to breathe an get our feet back under us again.  We may come out damp and wrinkled but it’s nothing time can’t iron out. 

That is how it’s been for me over the last year and a half and though it’s not been easy (hell sometimes it’s been downright miserably hard) I am out on the other side, surfacing after the long plunge of isolation. I will not go into this last year since it wasn’t really that interesting.  Yes, we bought a bar, yes it’s pretty awesome, yes we love it.  If you are in Portland you should come visit The Lighthouse Inn.

This sphere had once started out as a knitting blog and though I still obsessively knit I feel that is not my only focus anymore.  I knit, and when I remember I do take pictures of it but not as I once did.  There was a point when knitting was almost a competition for me, how many ‘likes’ could I get on Ravelry, how many comments?  That gets exhausting after a while and I stepped back from it. So instead the blog here will grow as I have grown and I hope to give it a voice that is more than just knitting and photography and goats.

Don’t get me wrong, goats will still be a huge part of it because, damn, who doesn’t love goats?  But the main focuses will change and evolve as life has forced me to evolve.  This year I have made one resolution (I seem to do better in singulars, I can accomplish just one thing in the span of a year) and that is to try to be fearless.  I come from a family ruled by fear, fear of being late, on time, of traveling, of bills, of weather, of uncontrollable acts of God.  Everything comes with a warning. I can’t tell you how much this irritates my husband who was taught to live life as it comes. I have gotten better at my fear and anxiety issues over the last 10 years of marriage but it’s still not perfect.  I tend to hold myself back from dreams because I am afraid I won’t achieve them, hold back from people because I am afraid they won’t like me.

How dumb is that?  Holding yourself back because you are afraid you won’t achieve what you desperately want.  In essence I have created what I fear, I won’t succeed if I don’t try.  So here’s to my year of trying things.  Not all of them will work, most of them probably won’t, but at least I’ll have something to show for it. 

And because it hasn’t happened in a year….here is a picture of Charlie.  More to come, I promise. 

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7 thoughts on “Back From The Abyss

  1. Welcome back Preita! It’s so weird that you say that because I have been thinking a lot about fear lately too and have decided to make that a focus of the coming year as well.

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