Judging Your Likability

I’ll admit it, it may make me self-conscious or vain or self-absorbed or whatever, but it crosses my mind quite a bit when I meet new people if I’m actually liked.  I might have a skewed ability to judge this which would lead me to always question it.  I know with 100% certainty that approximately 10 people like me without a doubt.  Kinda sad that I know that right?  That I know that I can open my mouth and 10 people will take it or leave it with out taking offence.

This leads me to wonder what makes a person likable in mass.  What percentage of it has to do with similar interests vs their natural ability just to talk to people?  I am a crazy social person, but I am also very shy.  I know, crazy right?  So when I force myself to go be social despite being afraid of all the new and unpredictable people I might meet I actually usually excel.  I can talk to just about anyone with success, but it will take me months to see if they actually like me even if they do.  Maybe I have an extended trial period with people before inviting them fully into my life which is odd since I will usually see this as completely the opposite.

You’d think that I’d be good at this by now having moved so much with the Mr, but the fact is we are pretty self sufficient as far as a couple goes.  I’m lucky to have married my best friend and so we spend a lot of time hanging out just the two of us.  Whenever I look around I feel as if this might not be the norm and get the comment “you need friends” from well-meaning outside influences.  I have friends though, even outside my husband, the problem is they don’t share my state.  So what I need to do is make new friends.  But, as an adult how does one make new friends?  You reach out as an almost 30-year-old dork and hope that you aren’t the subject of ridicule.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Maybe if I had kids this would be easier.  Maybe if I was a harried PTA mom I would meet other harried PTA moms who might share a book club with me but I doubt I read what they read and maybe that wouldn’t work out either.

I guess what I am saying, is how, as an adult in a new city/state how do you make new friends, how do you engage other adults in a non-weird still fun way where it doesn’t feel like you are on an awkward first date with someone you aren’t sure your attracted to?

In other non-brain case news here’s my newest Weave It shawl in the works.


7 thoughts on “Judging Your Likability

  1. If you figure this out, let me know because I am in the same boat. Kids don’t make it easier, I tried to make friends at a school function and it was just as awkward.

  2. You know, often times I think about this as well. Not that I don’t have a lot of friends. I do. But sometimes I think I should try and meet new people. Have you tried a knit night at one of the many yarn stores in Seattle – not too sure how close you are and how easy that would be. Also haven’t tried this myself yet, but it would make sense that at least they’d all be craft-minded.

  3. Well, as a harried PTA mom, I can tell you it’s not any easier. I am an extrovert, but I do have trouble making IRL friends with whom I really bond. I mean, I have lots of other women I talk to, but we don’t go out and do things. Book clubs tend to crumble. Maybe it will be different once I’ve lived here for a few years, now that I’m making more of an effort to get to know some of these women. I really don’t know. I do know that I want more girlfriends to go out and do stuff with. I don’t want to talk about one thing all the time – my kids, crafts, etc. – which is what I’ve experienced with craft groups and making friends through the kids. I want to just enjoy being with people because of who they are…and know that they enjoy being with me for the same reason.

    It’s hard.

  4. I think as an adult it is difficult to make new friends. there are so many factors that make it difficult. For me it’s hard to find people my age that don’t have kids. It’s hard for me to relate to people who do. That’s why I’m so glad we are friends! it’s so nice to talk to someone I can relate with.

  5. I have the same problem! I grew up in California and then moved to Kansas when I was 13. I still live in Kansas (I am 26 now) but have a really hard time making and keeping friends because I didn’t get a warm welcome to good old Kansas. Thank goodness for my husband and my family or I would be a hermit!

    I would love to find a way to meet people and not worry if they like me or not. But I guess in the end how you find out is to just be you and let people take you as you are or just leave you. 🙂

  6. i meet alot of cool women working for habitat for humanity so i would say volunteering works….church can but that gets really sticky because if you go they will ask you to be on every comittee ever so you have to be prepared to say no alot…does you library have classes???? is there some other type of class you might be interested in?????
    mostly i find searching out friends a hell of a lot of work but the end result can be so worth it…

    being here in the state of “southern” women who tend to thing of themselves all as azaelia trailmaids,(google it) and being fromn the state ” where the women are strong, the men goodlooking and the children slightly above average…
    i can tell you friends arre hard find but when you do they are great….trudy and elin becamme my friends because we liked to do some of the samethings , new restaruants,arts, plays…pl,us they are gay and from the north)…..but by and large if you are married to your best friend you are dare i say it more selective and less ready to take on all the baggage that comes with it…
    it gets really old(cherri) making sure everything you say can’t possibly taken wrong so that chip you have on your redneck shoulder won’t tumble off…soo now the fremny state is achieved… at 60 i don’t have time for that kind of crap…

    good luck sweety and i hope you find a fiber friendly chicken loving goat crazy huge dog owner who can put workds together in at least simple sentences……love mom

  7. I feel the same. Being social is an effort, even though I usually enjoy it, but afterwards I always wonder if it really went as well as I thought. I met some cool people through a meetup.com group. It’s a writing critique group, which actually I think is a good activity for bonding with people; you really have to get into each other’s heads a bit, which you don’t in other kinds of get-togethers. Everybody is vulnerable and also passionate about what they are doing.

    My husband is, by my standards, freakishly social. He is making new friends all the time and keeps in close touch with old friends even after moving far away. I think his secret is that he never worries at all that people might not be delighted to hear from him and spend time with him. And you know what? They *are* delighted! He just treats them as though they are his close friend, and then suddenly, they are, like magic.

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