Some days I feel so very far away from where I have been. California at times, feels like an exile from the world I love, a prision of 72* and sunshine every day. I know a lot of people wouldn’t feel this way (and don’t feel this way) and most times I don’t either, but coming up on the holidays I always feel it. The old sadness and gloom starts to reach out and tap me on the shoulder. Reminding me that I will never understand this state completely, never feel that I really fit in, belong, never fully be lulled in by it’s magesty, and will always wish for freezing temps, slush, fire places that are actually functional, and holiday lights in the snow.
I am thankful that so much of my Mr’s family lives out here. I don’t know what I would do with out his parents and their undieing love and support. Seriously, the way this family loves you is just weird sometimes, because it’s so complete, so true, and not motivated by anything else.
Still, I sometimes wish I just wasn’t here. Wasn’t surrounded by the in your face status symbols, and women so thin they make me think they must be a diffrent species of human from me.
I think after Halloween it’s always particularly tough because I start to wish for people I miss. People whom now I don’t get to see that often, and when I did, I took it for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends out here, but it’s not quite the same. I don’t make friends easily, not serious friends at least. It takes quite a while for me to actually trust that someone really truely likes me and isn’t just being nice. I blame it on my Minnesota upbringing, where everyone is nice to your face, always. You think midwesterners are nice do ya? Well, you just don’t know us that well then. 🙂
I know a lot of other grown adults live away from their parents and family and don’t get to see them that often. But I think I really have to make more of a point of it. It’s been a year & 1/2 since I’ve seen my mom & my stepdad, the same amount of time since I’ve seen my cousin (and truely great friend) Rebecca, 2 years since I’ve seen my best friend Shawna, and almost a year since I’ve seen my dad and grandparents.
Thankfully I’m heading to Minnesota in March or April while my cousin is there on business & then we are going to meet up with the family. I think I’m going to extend it a bit so that I can really spend some quality time with those that I miss.
Now is as good of a time as any also to stop putting things off, start realizing how fast time flies, and do more than just think about it.