Oh Holiday Gloom, Is It That Time Of Year Again?

Some days I feel so very far away from where I have been.  California at times, feels like an exile from the world I love, a prision of 72* and sunshine every day. I know a lot of people wouldn’t feel this way (and don’t feel this way) and most times I don’t either, but coming up on the holidays I always feel it.  The old sadness and gloom starts to reach out and tap me on the shoulder.  Reminding me that I will never understand this state completely, never feel that I really fit in, belong, never fully be lulled in by it’s magesty, and will always wish for freezing temps, slush, fire places that are actually functional, and holiday lights in the snow.

I am thankful that so much of my Mr’s family lives out here. I don’t know what I would do with out his parents and their undieing love and support. Seriously, the way this family loves you is just weird sometimes, because it’s so complete, so true, and not motivated by anything else.

Still, I sometimes wish I just wasn’t here. Wasn’t surrounded by the in your face status symbols, and women so thin they make me think they must be a diffrent species of human from me.

I think after Halloween it’s always particularly tough because I start to wish for people I miss.  People whom now I don’t get to see that often, and when I did, I took it for granted.  Don’t get me wrong, I have friends out here, but it’s not quite the same. I don’t make friends easily, not serious friends at least. It takes quite a while for me to actually trust that someone really truely likes me and isn’t just being nice. I blame it on my Minnesota upbringing, where everyone is nice to your face, always.  You think midwesterners are nice do ya? Well, you just don’t know us that well then. 🙂

I know a lot of other grown adults live away from their parents and family and don’t get to see them that often. But I think I really have to make more of a point of it.  It’s been a year & 1/2 since I’ve seen my mom & my stepdad, the same amount of time since I’ve seen my cousin (and truely great friend) Rebecca, 2 years since I’ve seen my best friend Shawna, and almost a year since I’ve seen my dad and grandparents.

Thankfully I’m heading to Minnesota in March or April while my cousin is there on business & then we are going to meet up with the family.  I think I’m going to extend it a bit so that I can really spend some quality time with those that I miss.

Now is as good of a time as any also to stop putting things off, start realizing how fast time flies, and do more than just think about it.


4 thoughts on “Oh Holiday Gloom, Is It That Time Of Year Again?

  1. I understand how you feel. I’ve just come back from a trip to Austria. I haven’t seen my parents and grandma in over 3 years. Other relatives even longer. At Christmastime and other holidays I wish I had some realtives and friends nearby.

  2. I’m sending you a big (((((((HUG))))))) 🙂 I know it’s hard to be away from family, being 12 hours in the car and like $600 by plane! It’s hard, but it is nice to be able to say you are going to go see them… and really make the plans and get the plane ticket! I’ve been doing that for a few years now and it’s been working..

  3. Ug, I know what you mean by the Holiday Gloom. It’s hard to get into to things without the weather, the changeing leaves, the rain, the snow.
    … In fact I’m still disgusted that up until three days ago, I had to still run my air conditioner.

    I’m glad that you are going to Minnesota to see your family. I always think that you have a spine of steel being able to deal with the distance and the time away from them. I’m such a wuss, cause I’m gonna go blog now about missing Thanksgiving. lol

  4. Raining in Minneapolis, temperature is dropping, snow in forecast. I am heading up North Friday. Northern Minnesota ia getting snow, high winds and a canadian cold front. Temperature during the day will hit 30 if we are lucky. I will send you a snowball.

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